Your honor, I have no closing statement because I’m throwing the case. No, no, it’s okay. It’s fine, don’t worry. My client, Shirley Bennett, my friend of three years, she told me that it was okay. She said what I want was more important. She’s right—right? I mean, guys like me, we’ll tell you there’s no right or wrong—there’s no real truths. And as long as we all believe that, guys like me can never lose. Because the truth is, I’m lying when I say there is no truth. The truth is—the pathetically, stupidly, inconveniently, obvious truth is, helping only ourselves is bad and helping each other is good. Now I just wanted to get out of here, pass biology and be a lawyer again instead of helping Shirley. That was bad. And my former colleague wanted so badly to keep his rich client that he just asked me to roll over in exchange for my old job. So, I guess we all walked in here pretty bad, but now Shirley’s gone good. Shirley’s helping me. It’s that easy. You just stop thinking about what’s good for you and start thinking about what’s good for someone else. And you can change the whole game with one move.
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What makes humans different from other animals? We’re the only species on earth that observes Shark Week. Sharks don’t even observe Shark Week, but we do. For the same reason I can pick up this pencil, tell you it’s name is Steve and go like this [breaks pencil] and part of you dies just a little bit on the inside. Because people can connect with anything. We can sympathize with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck and Academy Award for screenwriting. People can find the good in just about anything but themselves. Look at me. It’s clear to all of you that I am awesome. But I could never admit that. That would make me an ass. But what I can do is see what makes Annie awesome. She’s driven. We need driven people or the lights go out and the ice cream melts. And Pierce, we need guys like Pierce. This guy has wisdom to offer. We should listen to him some time. We wouldn’t regret it. And Shirley, Shirley has earned our respect. Not as a wife, not as a mother, but as a woman. Don’t test her on that, because that thing about the jukebox was too specific to be improvised. And Troy. Who cares if Troy thinks he’s all that? Maybe he is. You think astronauts go to the moon because they hate oxygen? No, they’re trying to impress their high school’s prom king. And Abed. Abed’s a shaman. You ask him to pass the salt, he gives you a bowl of soup. Because you know what, soup is better. Abed is better. You are all better than you think you are. You are designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself. I want you to look to the person to your left. Sorry. Look at the person sitting next to you. I want you to extend to that person the same compassion you extend to sharks, pencils and Ben Affleck. I want you to say to that person, “I forgive you.” You’ve just stopped being a study group. You have become something unstoppable.
I hereby pronounce you a Community.
(via charlmander)
